


Royalties

by MoonFireFic



Series: Caffeia Ferti [2]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Crack, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 06:03:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10551314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonFireFic/pseuds/MoonFireFic
Summary: Follow up piece to Tuesday Starburst Special. After a group of unscheduled visitors and a package arrive for Ianto on his day off, a curious Jack decides to investigate.





	

  
[](http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v484/OaniML/Random/?action=view&current=seal.gif)

****Beta:**[](http://milady-dragon.dreamwidth.org/profile)[ **milady_dragon**](http://milady-dragon.dreamwidth.org/)** ****

**A/N:** Dedicated to [](http://bookwrm89.dreamwidth.org/profile)**[bookwrm89](http://bookwrm89.dreamwidth.org/) ** for her evil plot bunnies, and [](http://totally4ryo.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**totally4ryo**](http://totally4ryo.dreamwidth.org/)   for helping come up with the crack infused contents of the promotional box and the image that spawned the original story. (Reposting as the first go round was posting all wonky due to site updates)

 

 

 

_Torchwood Three Hub_

_Thursday evening_

 “I’m off then,” Ianto announced, shrugging on his overcoat and grabbing his keys. Jack frowned, still miffed that he had not been given a reason for his requested time off. Only Her Majesty seemed to know the real reason behind Ianto’s request. After initially denying it, Jack had been taken aback when Lizzie herself had called personally to ensure that Ianto’s time off was granted. The fact that the Queen was involved meant that whatever Ianto was up to was being kept secret for a reason, and as much as it burned Jack that he was being kept in the dark, he had acquiesced to her request, and assured her that Mr. Jones would be given any time off needed. 

 “Off to your secret rendezvous then?” Jack asked grumpily. He had been trying to wheedle the truth of what Ianto had planned for the last week, but to his dismay Ianto had remained steadfast and only told him that it was a matter that could not be delayed. 

 “Now sir, no need to be jealous,” Ianto reassured him. “I’ll be back before you know it. Just remember to feed Myfanwy and try not to blow the Hub up while I’m gone, okay?” Glancing around and seeing that the others had already left, he gave Jack a quick peck on the lips and squeezed his hand before heading to the cog door. 

 “Just be safe alright?” Jack ordered, worried that whatever Ianto had planned might be dangerous. Ianto smiled back at him and nodded before slipping out of sight. 

 Jack sighed and watched the CCTV feed from Tosh’s station, noticing that as soon as he had left the Tourist Office Ianto had slipped out his mobile and made a call. Turning up the sound, he caught the tail end of the conversation. 

“...should be there in about thirty,” he overhead him say. “You’ll be fine, I promise...No, I’m sure Luke can handle it, he’s your son after all....Stop worrying...this trip is a thank you remember.” Ianto laughed and Jack smiled, enjoying the rarity of the sound. “Only bring the tiara if you plan on wearing it with your pyjamas,” he continued, causing Jack’s brows to furrow in confusion. “Now get packed. The new spa is open and I want you to have enough time to relax and get the full treatment.”

 Jack continued to listen to Ianto reassure the person on the other line until he was out of sound range. He stopped near the railing at the top of the quay and talked a few minutes more before hanging up with a fond smile on his face. Jack’s eyes narrowed as he watched Ianto shake his head and push off the railing to continue on his way. 

 “Who was he talking to?” he asked himself aloud, pushing down the fear that Ianto was off gallivanting with someone else and pulling up the phone records for his mobile. Jack frowned as the last number dialed came up encrypted and unavailable. Someone had made Ianto smile _that_ smile; the smile that should only be directed at him, and he was determined to find out who it was.

 ~~~~~~~~

_The following morning..._

Jack had tried to get Tosh to research the number when she got in, but to his surprise she refused and told him that he needed to ask Ianto himself as she was not going to play referee. Deciding he needed an answer, he dialed Ianto’s mobile, only to find it out of the area and unavailable. Frustrated, he had stomped out of the Hub, making his way across the Plass to the nearby Starbucks as an open act of defiance towards his erstwhile archivist and his secrets. Chatting up the cute barista had given him little solace, and as he sipped what even he had to admit was a far inferior to ‘Ianto Coffee’ beverage, he glumly made his way back across the Plass. So focused was he on being miserable, that he didn’t notice the group of students admiring the water tower until he literally bumped into their headmistress.  

“Excuse me,” he grumbled, pushing his way past her.  

“Gather round students!” the woman called out once he had passed. “I do believe that we are about to witness the fabled water tower entrance to Torchwood Three!” Jack halted in his tracks and turned back to look at the headmistress, noticing for the first time her rather large beehive hairdo. She smiled back at him encouragingly over large round glasses, and as he watched, a teacher’s aide and a group of twelve students crowded around her, all staring at him intently. 

“And just what do you know about Torchwood?” Jack demanded, crossing his arms and glaring back at her.

 “Oh! I do apologize,” the woman answered, obviously flustered. She stepped closer to Jack and lowered her voice. “I forgot that in this time the entrance is rather secret. We’re here on a twenty-first century history tour,” she confided, gesturing to her uniform clad students. Jack looked back at her and noticed the grain marks on her skin and the flowers sneaking through the vines that made up her pseudo-bee-hive, suddenly realizing that the woman was not human at all; she must be part of the Forest of Cheem. 

 “We did register beforehand,” she continued, obviously concerned that they had somehow offended him. “We have stops planned in Cardiff and London in the U.K., with a final stop in Sri Lanka.” When Jack’s expression didn’t change, she reached for his arm and began to plead with him. “Please tell me that the trip can proceed. The saplings have been looking forward to it for weeks, and they would be devastated to come all this way only to be sent home.”

Jack saw the hopeful looks on the childrens’ faces and already knew his answer. “Just make sure they keep their hair vines coiled and the hoodies under their jackets up to hide their branches,” he advised. The headmistress smiled in relief, and Jack found himself returning it, finally feeling his dark mood lift. Sauntering over to the stone atop the lift, he gave the students a quick salute, before stepping onto it and disappearing from their sight; relishing the looks of wide-eyed wonder on the youngsters’ faces as he descended into the Hub. Once he hit bottom, Jack tossed what was left of his coffee into the bin near Suzie’s old desk and made his way over to Tosh’s station to ask her about the Forest of Cheem’s visit. 

 “It says here that it was included in last week’s status report,” Tosh read aloud, clicking a few keys to bring up the email that Ianto had also sent to UNIT and MI-6 to ensure that the group was undisturbed when they hit British airspace. 

“But why didn’t he remind me?” Jack asked, still perturbed that Ianto hadn’t mentioned it. While an educational visit wasn’t uncommon, he should have been notified. 

Tosh turned away from the monitor and took of her glasses. “Jack did you even read the weekly report?” she asked, already guessing the answer. 

“I started to,” he answered, remembering how Ianto had brought it in and the two of them had started kissing, which let to groping, which led to-

“From the look on your face, I can image what happened,” Tosh huffed in irritation. “Face it Jack, you are going to have to at least try to read it for once, and maybe even figure out what is scheduled rather than rely on Ianto to handle it.”

 “Are you suggesting that I don’t know what goes on at my own base?” Jack asked, wondering what Tosh really thought.  

Tosh shrugged. “Only that you might need to see what Ianto authorized when you were too _busy_ to get the paperwork done,” she answered giving him a smile of dismissal before turning back to her monitor to watch the next rift update.  

Jack frowned. Knowing that Tosh was probably right, he made his way to his office to look over the report. If he remembered right, he had stuffed it in his top drawer when they had cleared off the desk for the evening’s activities. 

~~~~~~~~  
_Later that afternoon..._

“Delivery for a Mister Jones,” announced the UPS driver as he dropped off a rather large rectangular package on the counter of the tourist office. Owen scowled and signed for the package, wondering what the hell tea-boy had ordered this time. The driver bid him good afternoon and Owen merely nodded as he read the return address, hoping that it wasn’t some random sex-toy that Jack had ordered under Ianto’s name as a joke. 

 “Office of the Grand Barista,” Owen read aloud looking over the official looking seal on the left side of the package, bearing a black crown encircled in a red laurel.

 “What’s that?” Gwen asked bustling through the door from the afternoon coffee run.

 “Tea-boy got something from someone called the _Grand Barista_ ,” Owen snarked. “It says promotional materials enclosed.” He shook the box, listening to the contents rattle around a bit before setting it back down with a frown. “I bet he’s secretly a member of some twat-filled coffee cult and this is his initiation packet.” Gwen ran her hand over the seal and took a sip of her mocha, before turning to Owen with an impish grin.

“Well then Doctor Harper, I think this calls for an intervention,” she replied. “We can’t afford to have Ianto corrupted but some caffeine obsessed weirdoes now can we?” Owen smirked and plucked his coffee from her tray.

“It’s our solemn duty as Torchwood operatives to look this package over for any potential threats to our personnel,” Owen replied, picking up the box and slipping it under his arm. Gwen nodded her approval and reached over to push the button and open the door to the Hub. 

“Do you think we should tell Jack?” she asked, suddenly worried that their fearless leader might not approve of them looking through their teammate’s mail. Owen stared at her a moment to see if she was serious and watched for the tell-tale twitch of her lips that would give her away.

“Nah!” They both said at the same time, grinning as they descended the stairs into the Hub’s main floor.

~~~~~~~~

_Twenty Minutes Later…_

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Owen said shaking his head as they watched the DVD a third time. 

“Gwen I need you to pinch me again, and tell me that I am hallucinating or something.”

Gwen shook her head, watching as the DVD showed image after image of lush groves, luxurious resort accommodations, fine dining, spa treatments, activities, and beautiful beaches. Taking her eyes off the screen, she looked through the other contents of the package, hoping to somehow find an explanation for what she was seeing.

“Bloody hell!” Owen exclaimed as she held up a small figure encased in plastic. “There’s even an action figure? How did all of this even happen?” 

“How did what happen?” Jack asked as he and Tosh came into the room. When Owen and Gwen had snuck into the conference room and shut the door, he had expected to at the very least to catch them in the middle of some illicit moment; not find them lounging around and watching a DVD.

“What are you two watching?” Tosh asked stepping closer to the screen. “And where can I get a vacation to the _Coffee Mecca of the Universe_ ; it looks divine.” Gwen didn’t say a word, she simply held up the embossed card that had accompanied the package and waited for Tosh to read it. 

“Your Most Exalted Majesty,” Tosh began, looking over her glasses at the others in question before shifting her gaze back to the card. “Please accept this, the most recent version of our promotional materials, and provide any feedback you deem necessary at your earliest convenience so that they may be adjusted to your specifications.” She paused and glanced down at the open box on the table before reading the rest of the card. “I remain your humble servant, Tavi Nakeen, Grand Barista, Jones World, Jarnaxian Galaxy,” she finished, reading the card over again to herself in disbelief before setting it down on the table. Jack immediately picked it up and read it for himself as Tosh picked her way through the box. 

“Besides the DVD, there’s a holo-vid history of Jones World, a pinstriped barista apron, some cocoa butter lotion, chocolate bars, a sample of His Majesty’s Special Blend Coffee Beans, and then there’s this,” Gwen explained, holding up the box containing the action figure. 

Jack immediately dropped the card and took the box from Gwen. “He’s got an action figure,” Jack whispered in awe, before taking the figure out of the box and standing it on the table. As he did a tiny barista apron, a gun and a coffee mug tumbled out. “I always wanted one when I was a Time Agent,” he explained as he moved the arm of the miniature version of Ianto up to hold the mug in one hand and the gun in the other. “But they went out of style by the time I went through.” He continued to play with the figure for a few moments before he noticed that the others were looking at him strangely.

“You knew about this didn’t you?” Owen asked, already guessing the answer.  

Jack sighed and sat the figure down on the table in front of him. “I knew that the Kahvehni named a planet after him and dubbed him the Coffee King, but I never imagined, well this!” he said gesturing to the items on the table and the screen in front of him bearing the same seal as the card before fading into the familiar reel advertising the merits of visiting Jones World. 

“Oh look Tosh! There’s a spa named after you!” Gwen exclaimed as images of _Sato Onsen,_ a Japanese style bath house and day spa graced the screen. Tosh smiled as she saw the shimmering blue pools surrounded by Japanese Maples and the smiling blue alien wearing a yukata placing a lotus bloom into the water before standing up and saying what the caption read as welcome, in a melodious voice.

“Why tea-boy?” Owen wanted to know. “I mean I know he saved our arses when the Kahvehni tried their little Starbucks coup, but seriously, what is so special about him?” Gwen nodded her agreement and looked to Jack for answers. 

“Are you kidding me?” Tosh demanded. “He’s been gone a single day, and all you can do Owen is bitch about needing tea-boy cof-fee,” she snarked doing a fair imitation of the medic’s voice. “And you Gwen, when is the last time you did your own reports without Ianto helping you out? I saw you earlier pushing them about and sighing that you wished Ianto was here to help with them. Why him indeed.” Glaring at her colleagues, she reached down and plucked the bottle of cocoa bean lotion from the box and claimed it for her own. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to head back downstairs and get some work done.” Throwing one last look of disdain in the direction of her teammates, she spun on her heel and left the room. 

“What’s got her knickers in a twist?” Owen groused, making a face as he sipped his now cold coffee. “It’s not like we don’t appreciate him or anything,” he added, idly rolling a loose coffee bean that had been in the box between his fingers.  

“I think she’s right,” Gwen answered, looking back up at the screen as row upon row of cacao and coffee trees were shown along with a host of tentacled aliens harvesting the delicate pods and fruit with care. “Maybe we do take him for granted. I mean, look at all of this; did he do all of this himself?”

The question hung heavy in the air as Jack contemplated the implications of the answer. The incident with the Kahvehni had only taken place a few months ago, and terra-forming normally took decades to complete. Not to mention the trees, plants and structures he was watching on screen. How had so much been done in so little time? And just how much _was_ Ianto involved?

A well dressed woman who looked a lot like the teacher he had seen this morning minus the bee-hive came on screen, talking about how the cuttings of her ancestors had flourished on the slopes of Mount Myfanwy and established a new branch of the Forest of Cheem. As he watched her speak, Jack was struck with an idea. Running out of the conference room towards the lift, he told the others that he had a mission to follow up on and that he would be back soon. Ignoring their looks of concern, he tapped his foot in impatience as the lift made its slow ascent back up to the Plass. His mind reeled as he tried to puzzle together all that he had seen. The seal on the package was the same as the one on the school children’s jackets. He needed answers, and he had a feeling that the tour group would be the only ones who could give them. 

~~~~~~~~

After making a call to UNIT to stop the group during their tour of the _Queen’s Lane Coffee House_ , where if Jack’s memory served him right, Ianto had worked during Uni, he finally caught up to them. 

“What is the meaning of this?” the headmistress asked, obviously irritated at Jack for their tour being interrupted again. “We are a sanctioned and authorized trip. First you treat us with suspicion, and then you detain us at a historical place of business,” she paused and glared at him. “Is this some kind of sick joke or just a breach of galactic protocol? I am warning you Mr. Torchwood, I plan to tell His Majesty about this personally when we return, and I expect him to be most displeased.”

“Stand down boys,” Jack said to the UNIT soldiers guarding the entrance to the cafe and keeping the school group inside. The soldiers gave him a questioning glance before consulting their coms. and moving outside. “Look Miss-”

“Headmistress Siddha,” she supplied. Jack grinned. 

“Well Headmistress Siddha, I have no plans to further encumber your trip,” he replied. “Actually if you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you a favor.” 

~~~~~~~~

  _Cymru Manor_

_The Following Morning_

_Jones World - Jarnaxian Galaxy_

“I can’t tell you how much I love this place,” Sarah Jane sighed in contentment, sipping from her cup of tea. Ianto smiled at his friend as he drank his coffee and watched the silver leaves of the trees lining the back patio glisten in the mid-morning sun. 

“I can’t take all the credit,” he replied with a self-depreciating grin. “The Kahvehni and I would never have managed this without the help of The TARDIS. And it was your idea to give the Forest of Cheem a new home so you have to take some of the credit as well. I have to say though, Mr. Smith’s help in ensuring that Torchwood stayed out of the mix is most appreciated.”

“Harkness must have been burning with curiosity as to why you were taking time off I wager,” she observed with a sly grin. 

Ianto chuckled. “Elizabeth called him herself to get him to let me off for a few days.”

 “You’re kidding?” Sarah Jane replied, smiling at the mental image of a flustered Jack being reprimanded by The Queen. 

“Sadly no,” he replied with a smile of his own. “I promised her a holiday in return for authorizing the transmats to get the plant samples from Sri Lanka and Colombia. I think she was concerned about making the trip here without a familiar face to greet her.” The two friends shared a laugh and toasted The Queen for making their holiday possible. 

“Excuse me Sire,” a Kahvehni woman dressed in a red skirt suit said as she approached them. “But I think we have a problem. 

“What is it Taveen?” Ianto asked his friend and secretary. Taveen was the daughter of Tavi, who held the post of Grand Barista, and oversaw all that was Jones World when Ianto was not in residence. 

“It would appear that the Cheem school group has returned with an additional member,” she answered, tapping on her PDA and pulling up a holo-vid of a holding cell with a very disgruntled Jack Harkness pacing inside.  

Ianto closed his eyes in frustration and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Has Her Majesty arrived?” he asked, hoping that he could somehow avoid having the two of them in the same room. While Elizabeth was fond of Jack, her tolerance of him of late had been wearing rather thin. 

“Her Majesty is due to arrive within the hour,” Taveen replied. “Do you wish to detain Captain Harkness for the duration of her visit?”

Ianto opened his eyes and looked at Sarah Jane. “Do you think you could keep her company while I deal with Jack?” he asked, hoping she would say yes. 

“Of course,” Sarah Jane replied. “How about we meet her together and you beg off that you have a small matter to attend to, but will meet us for tea after we take a turn in the gardens?”

It was moments like this that made Ianto wonder how the Doctor had ever been able to leave Sarah Jane behind. “Thank you,” he said, smiling at her in gratitude, before finishing his coffee and standing up to leave the table. Holding out his hand, Ianto looked down at Sarah Jane with a twinkle in his eye. “Care to join me in greeting her My Lady?” 

Sarah Jane took his hand and let her pull her to her feet. “But of course Your Majesty,” she replied, tucking her arm inside his as they made their way back inside. 

_~~~~~~~~_

_Detainment and Decontamination Facility - Jones World_

_Jarnaxian Galaxy_

Jack had been detained for two hours by his reckoning and he was getting irritated. As he made another circuit across the room, he heard a soft buzz and watched the white door to his cell fade into transparency revealing the Kahvehni he had dubbed ‘Red Suit’ standing in front of it. 

“Where’s Ianto?” Jack demanded. 

“His Majesty has been detained due to matters of state,” she responded crisply, tapping on her PDA. “He has asked that I collect you.” 

Jack stopped pacing and stared back at her. “You mean he knew I was here the entire time?” he asked, wondering if Ianto was playing with him.

The Kahvehni tilted her head to the side and blinked at him, her large almond shaped eyes scrutinizing him like a bug under a microscope. “His Majesty was made aware of your stowing away only recently,” she finally replied. “He was entertaining a guest, and it was not prudent to interrupt them until they had broken their fast.” 

Jack paled. He had been right. Ianto was on vacation with someone else. Before he could ask her who the guest was, she pushed a button on the wall and the door disappeared. 

“Follow me please,” she said turning on her heel before he could answer and walking down the corridor still tapping on her PDA. Seeing no other option, Jack followed her out of the holding complex and down a corridor to a transmat alcove that sent them to another building. She led him down a corridor with open sides exposing a lush forest of trees on one side and a garden on the other until at length they stopped before a large door bearing the all too familiar crown and laurel wreath.

Red Suit rapped on the door and Jack heard a familiar voice call out for them to enter. The Kahvehni pushed the door open, gesturing for Jack to follow her inside. Jack made a sweep of the room until his eyes fell on Ianto sitting behind an ornate desk speaking with an older Kahvehni wearing a black pin-striped suit seated in an armchair in front of the desk, who folded up his papers and exited as they entered. Red Suit gestured for Jack to sit in the other chair and handed his wrist strap to Ianto.

“Thank you Taveen,” Ianto said to Red Suit and Jack saw her nod before leaving the room. Ianto left the wrist strap on his desk and his gaze drifted to Jack as the door closed. “I understand that some of our promotional materials were sent to the Hub a few days early. According to the records, it would appear that Owen was the one to break the security seal.” He raised an eyebrow and held Jack’s gaze. “Since you’re here, I assume you looked through the contents as well?” 

“There wouldn’t have been a need if you had just told me what was going on,” Jack grumbled. “But I suppose you were too busy ‘entertaining guests’ and posing as royalty to bother.”

Jack saw a flash of anger in Ianto’s eyes and relished that he had broken through the careful façade of the man before him. Good. In his mind, Ianto had a lot to answer for, and Jack wanted to know exactly what he was hiding. 

“What I really want to know _Mr. Jones_ ,” Jack sneered. “Is how in the hell my archivist, the man that would be king of his own planet, managed to make all of this possible, when I know for a fact you haven’t had more than two days off since the Starbucks incident.”

Before Ianto could answer Taveen appeared behind them. “Sorry to interrupt,” she stated seemingly oblivious to the tension around her. “But Her Majesty has asked that Captain Harkness get back to protecting her realm so that she may enjoy a proper cup of tea with His Majesty without further delay.”

“Lizzie is here?” Jack asked incredulously. If the Queen herself was involved, and visiting it would seem, there was a lot more going on than he had first thought.

“Why do you think she was so insistent I take the time off?” Ianto countered with a smirk. Jack groaned and Ianto laughed in spite of himself. “Sorry Jack, but duty calls,” he said, as he stood up and handed Jack his wrist strap. Jack rose and the two men walked to the door. “You best get back to Cardiff before you’re missed. If you leave Gwen alone for too long, she might stage a coup or even bring Rhys in for a look at the Hub.” Patting Jack on the shoulder in dismissal as he opened the door, he turned back to Taveen. 

“Please escort the Captain back to the transmat center and see that he returns to Torchwood in one piece,” he directed, and Taveen began tapping on her PDA once more. “Goodbye Jack, I’ll see you in a few days,” he added, giving him a soft smile before disappearing down the hall. 

~~~~~~~~

Several transmats later, Jack was back in Cardiff. Once he reached the Hub, he apologized to the team for swanning off and gave them the night off to smooth things over. Settling down at his desk, he noticed the Ianto action figure with its legs wrapped around his coffee mug. A sticky-note from Owen stating that _humping Jack’s mug makes Ianto happy_ finished the tableau. Jack rolled his eyes and crumpled up the note before tossing it into the bin. Picking up the miniature version of his lover he stared at the plastic features, wondering at the mystery that was Ianto Jones.

~~~~~~~~

Sunday passed in a blurry of weevils and lost solar snails and before Jack knew it was Monday evening. 

The only break in the routine had been when an anonymous package had appeared on his desk earlier that day, bearing the symbol of Jones World, and a cryptic note in Ianto’s handwriting that read: _Someone once told me that_ e _very good agent should have one._ Jack had torn it open to find an action figure of his own; dressed not as a Time Agent, but as Captain Jack Harkness. Jack stared at it for over an hour, stunned that Ianto somehow found out about his boyhood wish, and realizing that he was proud to see it finally fulfilled with a visage of himself as someone that he might someday be proud of, rather than as a poster boy for a regime built on bureaucracy and lies.

As he stared at the two figures on his desk, Jack realized that Ianto was due to return the following morning and he had no idea what to say to him. About an hour after the others left for the evening, Jack’s mobile started to ring. He didn’t normally answer unknown numbers so he sent it straight to voicemail. When the mobile instantly rang again, he decided to take a chance and take the call.

“Harkness,” he answered. 

“Is this Captain Jack Harkness of Torchwood Three?” asked a soft feminine voice with an edge of steel.

“That depends,” Jack answered with a grin. “Who’s asking?”

“You can call me Miss Smith,” the woman huffed. “And please dial down the charisma Captain; it really does cloud your ability to be taken seriously.” 

“Miss Smith?” Jack asked suddenly alert. “As in _Ianto’s_ Miss Smith?”

“The very same,” she replied. “And if you know what’s good for you, you’ll listen to what I have to say.”

~~~~~~~

On Tuesday morning the cog wheel door rolled back at precisely 7:00AM announcing Ianto’s arrival. Ten seconds later, he found his arms filled with a teary-eyed Tosh speaking to him in rapid-fire Japanese and thanking him for naming the Onsen after her.

“You’re welcome Tosh, but you need to let go before you break something,” Ianto scolded kissing her fondly on the forehead. 

Tosh laughed and let him go, following him into the kitchen as he prepared the first pot of coffee for the day. 

Gwen and Owen arrived a few minutes later and proceeded to bombard him with questions about the promotional box and Jones World. Once Owen had a cup of coffee in hand, he called Ianto a twat for not telling them about his own personal coffee cult and warned him that the Captain would probably leave him if he could find a way to make his action figure life-sized. Gwen had surprisingly defended him, smacking Owen in the arm and telling him to go dissect something since he had nothing better to do. Owen had winked at Ianto and sauntered off, leaving Gwen to pump Ianto for information about how she could get a discount for her and Rhys to take a holiday at the resort she had seen on the DVD. Ianto told her that he would have to look into it and she gave him a gap-toothed grin in thanks before bouncing down the stairs and mumbling to herself about needing a new bikini before the trip. 

After the other two had left, Ianto breathed a sigh of relief and Tosh leaned on the counter beside him, watching as he frowned his way through the process of making Jack’s coffee.

“Are you okay?” she asked her friend in concern. 

“I’m fine Tosh,” he answered. “Just a little apprehensive about seeing Jack that’s all. He came after me you know.”

Tosh blinked and Ianto cursed under his breath. “He didn’t tell you, did he?” 

Tosh shook her head. “Actually he seemed more distracted by the fact that you had an action figure,” she finally answered, and the two shared a grin. “Ianto,” she started, absently stirring her tea. “I made a point of checking the historical holo-vid after you left.” Ianto stilled, realizing that Tosh knew about The Doctor’s involvement in Jones World. “I didn’t say anything, but judging by how he’s been all Captain Broody and full of man-pain since he got back, I’m assuming Jack at least suspects his involvement.” Ianto nodded, knowing that Tosh was smart enough to keep the knowledge to herself. “I do have one question though,” she asked wincing when she saw Ianto’s wary expression. “Why the motto?”

Ianto smiled in relief and pulled out the red tie from beneath his waistcoat and showed her the small seal bearing the motto that he had made his own. “Caffeia Ferti,” he whispered, tracing his finger over it. “In Coffee We Trust.” He slipped the tie back inside and leaned alongside her staring out at the hub. “It’s the Latin translation of an old Kahvehni proverb,” he explained. “When I was thirteen and mam died, my sister and I shared a cup of coffee to remember her. When I ran away a year later, someone was kind enough to buy me a cup of coffee and a slice of pie when I hadn’t eaten in days.” 

Tosh put her hand on his arm in comfort and Ianto patted it absently as he continued. “I worked at a coffee house in London during Uni; that’s where I met Lisa,” he said with a smile. “I was getting coffee from the storeroom when the Cybermen came and that’s why I’m alive. A cup of coffee helped me get this job, a cup of coffee saved the world from aliens that later became my friends, and at the end of the day, a cup of coffee is the one thing that Jack and I can share without pretense and just be ourselves.” Ianto looked up and saw Jack watching him intently from the catwalk above. “Coffee has always been a part of my life Tosh,” he said tearing his gaze away to smile at her. “It seemed fitting that if some coffee crazed aliens could make it their motto and ask me to help save their race, I could too.” 

Tosh smiled and pecked him on the cheek. “I’m glad you’re back,” she said rubbing her lipstick off his cheek before giving him a lopsided smile and whispering good luck as Jack descended the stairs and made his way towards him.

“So, you’re back,” Jack began leaning back against a nearby post and crossing his arms.

“It would appear so, Sir,” Ianto replied, finishing up Jack’s cup of coffee and handing it to him. Jack thanked him and took a sip silently watching as Ianto picked up his own mug and did the same. 

“Ianto I-“ Jack began. 

“It’s alright,” Ianto interrupted. “I’m sure you have many stories about your travels with The Doctor that are much more exciting than my lab explosion induced adventure.” Jack held his gaze and realized just how much he had underestimated the man before him. Unable to contain himself any longer, Jack set down his mug and pulled Ianto to him. 

“I’m sorry,” Jack said, holding him close. “You’ve been keeping this all to yourself. I should have noticed something was going on.”

Ianto pushed back and looked away. “I have a good friend who knows how to handle overzealous Time Lords,” Ianto answered, causing Jack to recall the words of the elusive Miss Smith the night before.

“The Doctor never could figure out how he ended up in the TARDIS control room,” she had told him barely concealing the smirk in her voice. “One minute Ianto’s in a coffee lab and the next he’s on the other side of the galaxy inside a very smug TARDIS who’s refusing to say how he got there.” Jack had chuckled at the TARDIS’ antics. If there was one being in the universe he knew better than to ever mess with – it was her. “She had to smack him over the head with that bloody screwdriver of his to get him to finally admit that there was nothing physically wrong with Ianto and bring him back,” she added, and the two had shared a laugh. “Once he did, Ianto offered him the chance to plant a few seedlings from Gallifrey, if and only if, he would help him get Jones World on its feet.”

“It just seemed a bit boring compared to your adventures so I decided not to mention it,” Ianto shrugged, pulling Jack back into the present. “Besides, I wasn't gone for long and you never noticed anyway. Does it really even matter Jack?” he asked, finally meeting his gaze.

“I don’t know what the future is going to bring,” Jack answered, holding onto Ianto’s arm as he tried to pull away. “But I do know that I am glad that for once, the person I fell for can understand at least some of what I’ve been through,” he added hoping Ianto would understand what he was trying to say.

“The person you fell for?” Ianto clarified, eyes twinkling and a smile twitching at the corners of his lips. 

Jack grinned. “Oh yeah, I think it was the whole power behind the throne thing,” Jack replied with a leer. “I mean you have that great big desk that needs polishing, and you’re the leader of a virgin planet waiting to be plowed. Think of all the orchards we could ‘christen with the King’s blessing’ if you know what I mean.” Jack waggled his eyebrows and Ianto chuckled before rolling his eyes. 

“As long as we stay away from Mount Myfanwy,” Ianto replied struggling to keep a straight face. “I have a feeling if the Forest of Cheem found out we were coupling near their groves, they might not take it too well, King of Coffee or no.”

Jack laughed and pulled him close, capturing Ianto’s lips in a kiss filled with promises of many adventures to come. And if a certain Time Lord stopped by, well he wasn’t invited. 

~~~~~~~~

Later that evening, Owen made his way up to Jack’s office to drop off the last of his overdue reports. 

Sitting next to Jack’s inbox was the Ianto figure with the Jack figure lying down in front of him; his face pressed firmly in Ianto’s lap. A sticky note was placed beside them and scrawled in Jack’s writing was the following: _If you must know Owen, there’s only one thing Jack loves to play with, and that’s Ianto_. _Besides we all know you like to watch._ Behind them taped to an old discarded Starbucks cup was a picture of Owen, stuffing his face with popcorn and smiling as he watched Jack and Ianto over CCTV. Red faced, Owen quickly dropped the folder onto the corner of the desk and slammed the door behind him, failing to hear the laughter coming up from the opening to Jack’s quarters below. 


End file.
